Bertosses' Existentialism - Part 2 - Decisions, decisions

One thing I really struggled with when I was studying Philosophy, was the concept of free will. Do we have free will or is everything we do predetermined by our genetic make up and our social background. The majority of people believe in free will, and people get quite upset when you say it doesn't exist, because it implies we have no control over our destiny. Yet so many people live out their lives without ever demonstrating a single act of free will. Making decisions based on what they think is the best option, essentially means that they would have always come to that same decision based on who they are at that exact moment in time. I was 30 years old when I realised I had never made a single decision in my life, I just did the most obvious thing for my benefit and never gave it much though. I never chose to become an Art Teacher, it was just the most obvious thing to do. Like an animal act entirely instinctively without thinking, just takes the course of action which is most likely to result in their survival and the survival of their offspring.
Anyways, Existentialism in its generally perceived negative principle dictates that we are as animals and we act out our predetermined lives. This upsets people and it upset me a little to think that I am some mapped out course, determined by who I am. When I got depressed after Magz, I guess negative thought tends to be more prevalent, and I could see myself on this one track train, living out my life in Essex, being a teacher. I realised that I hated the concept of not having free will ( like a normal person!) and that the only way to exercise free will, is to disrupt the course of fate. As Jean Paul Satre suggests "it is our choice how we respond to determining tendencies."
Therefore, if we accept the fact that we are animals and making considered decisions is merely playing out the course of fate inflicted upon us. How do we then exercise free will? Well 'chance' is the only thing that disrupts determinism; coincidental, accidental occurrences that constantly disrupt the course of fate. So by allowing 'chance' to dictate our fate, is essentially the only way of making a real decision. I have 'decided' to let chance make my decisions for me, therefore constantly disrupting my predetermined existence, and creating something 'new'. I generally do this by tossing a coin, whenever faced with a decision, no matter how weighty the decision. Had I not thrown 'tails' a year or so ago I would have accepted a job in Malaysia, and my whole life would have been completely different. That may seem irresponsible in many ways, and to a certain extent it is by definition, as I therefore cant blame myself but the hand of chance, for my decisions. But actually I think once we ve made that decision then we have to live with the consequences in a responsible manner. I did not allow chance to make the decision to come to Korea, because I was so desperate to get off the fucking train resulting in teaching in Essex for the rest of my life, which I'm sure could have been a very happy life, but just not what I had in mind. However, I did choose to apply for jobs in Korea, following a 'chance' meeting with a Korean girl on a train from London to Devon, I had seen a few job's advertised but never really considered it. After meeting Jihyun on the train, I figured that I'd only ever met 5 korean's in my life, and every single one of the had been sweet, and funny and lovely! Which is actually an astonishing statistic, 5 out of 5, still it might of been accidental, but it turned out they were fine ambassadors of this beautiful country and its wonderful people! Mentions should go to Hartvig's ex grilfriend SungMee and a man called Hong I met in the smoking room at Saigon airport! Haha anyways sweet Hijee has just brought breakfast round, and I cant wait to tell you how amazing the last 2 days have been with her - Day 22 was the best yet!! The ramantic saga continues!

All that remains is a fate whose outcome alone is fatal. Outside of that single fatality of death, everything, joy or happiness, is liberty. A world remains of which man is the sole master. What bound him was the illusion of another world.

— ALBERT CAMUS